i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
