winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
