I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am one with the molecules
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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