bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did I show you my penis last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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