She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
