New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
