Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
