i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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