the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
