last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
