Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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