not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Small penises have feelings too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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