Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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