mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
