He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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