i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
