So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
