I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
