rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
