I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
