under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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