I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
