All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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