My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and she was petting her beer can
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
