I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
