what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
