she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
