You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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