No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
