How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
