And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
