i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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