I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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