I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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