who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
