sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
