I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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