you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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