God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
