his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize