someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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