DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
