I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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