IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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