I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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