No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
