wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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