saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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