I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
