That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
