She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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