Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
