I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I intend to get homeless drunk
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
