i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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