Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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