Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dick very happy bro
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
