So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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