Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
