So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
