so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
