I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize