chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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