Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
