just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
