well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
