yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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