are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
