don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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