Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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