the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
