if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
