Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize